Helping People Open Up

Helping People Open Up

By Daniel Ferguson

A friend is struggling, you can tell. You want to explore your friends mental health but don't know how to. I'm not an expert by any means, but recently I went to a men's mental health talk and the biggest takeaway for me was don't ask people to be open, don't try get it out of people: create a place where they naturally do.


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Being Open

Perhaps be open yourself to a mate and it might make them be open too. Ask how they have been, they may go deeper. Or simply just listen when they talk: they may go on. Typically people say men don't talk, I wonder if they don't listen too? These are very generalised statements but I know as a man I want to give solutions, you want to be that hero who saves the day for someone's problems in life: but majority of the time people just need to get things off their chest. These days I just let people talk, I'll never forget Simon Sinek on the Diary Of A CEO podcast saying people just need someone to, 'sit in the mud' with them. After listening, then you can ask, 'would you like my opinion?'

The Best Way To Listen

I've said to listen, but how do I feel it's best to? Make eye contact: show you care and are engaged with the person opening up. Show you understand by basically repeating what you feel they have tried to say, for instance, the person has said, "I feel angry when she talks down to me and it ruins my day, I just want her to stop doing that!" Perhaps you could say, "I hear you, so it's making you angry when she talks to you in a certain way, why does this make you angry?" 

Nod when they talk, show you are listening. Then like I say, simply just be quiet and let them talk. I remember a friend of mine was speaking to me about a relationship anxiety he had; when he was talking to me I just sat there, even when there was a quiet pause, it made him talk more, open up more. How sad would it be if you shut that off? To not let the person fully open up?

I'm No Expert...

Like I say, I'm no expert. However, this is what I have learned over the past few years, so why not share? I think helping people open up is so important: being that person who cares, listens and sits in the mud with someone. Men are said to not open up as much but this applies to all, I know women who struggle to open up too. Be that ear for someone.


Be A Listener

Thanks for reading, take care. If you want to reach out, find my socials below:



Find Daniel Ferguson on:
LinkedIn: Daniel Ferguson
Instagram: @danferguson_sp
Twitter: @DanFergusonSP




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